Choosing The Childfree Life After Infertility: Emily’s Story

I want to begin this post with an apology. Are you thinking, ‘Oh man, what did Brittany do now?’ It’s actually something I haven’t done…

I had, and still have, a specific agenda in mind for the rinky-DINK life: to break free of the stereotypes surrounding the childless (i.e. my greatest goal). By childless, I mean exactly as the dictionary defines: “Not having any children.”

This brings me to my point and to my apology. To those in this tribe who are childless by circumstance, I’m sorry. I am so very sorry for not having included you the way I should have.

Many bloggers will claim they have the best readers but I hate to break it to them, they’re wrong. I’ve got the besties. Some of my readers have written to me about their struggles with infertility before embracing the childfree life. As you subscribers know, the rinky-DINK life is getting a face-lift soon. In addition to a new layout, I will be adding W A Y more content for my childless/childfree by circumstance ladies and gentlemen.One loyal rinky-DINK lifer in particular emailed me her story of infertility and I want to take this opportunity to share it with you now:

But, why wait ’til then? One loyal rinky-DINK lifer in emailed me her story of infertility recently and I want to take this opportunity to share it with you now:

Emily’s Story:

Trying for Baby

My husband Brett and I married in 2009 and by late 2010, we began trying for a baby. This journey to motherhood was all I could see. I would literally break down in tears and shut down if someone I knew became pregnant. I even got downright mean a few times. When my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy, I actually threw a fit. And this was all before I found out that both my husband and I had infertility issues.
In 2012, Brett and I decided to try intrauterine insemination (IUI) in conjunction with fertility drugs. It didn’t take. I was absolutely crushed. Because of the side effects of the fertility medication and its high cost (100% out of pocket because our insurance didn’t cover it) we unanimously decided, ‘Well, maybe next year.’
That next year came and went. And then another. And another. I really enjoyed our family of three dynamic – that is, our cat, myself, and my husband. We relished in spontaneity. We could run to the store on a whim, go out to eat at 2 in the morning – we could do whatever we wanted. It was great!
Then in 2015, I got the surprise of a lifetime. I was pregnant. 100% on our own – without fertility medication, without IUI, without anything! Brett and I assumed our infertility issues acted as a ‘natural’ birth control so when we found out I was expecting, we were shocked.
However, less than one month after finding out I was pregnant, I miscarried. This was another crushing blow. I thought I was finally going to be a mom and then, as quickly as it began, it was taken away from me.

Choosing The Childfree Life

In 2016, I decided to go on the pill to prevent having my perio

Emily & Brett at a half-marathon in Las Vegas

d while on vacation. And I stayed on it. I discussed this with my husband and we decided we quite liked our life just us and the cats. We travel a fair amount and enjoy being able to afford new things (especially cars).

I started looking into longer-acting forms of contraception like intrauterine devices (IUD) and the birth control implant (Nexplanon). The implant sounded less invasive and I got up the nerve to make the appointment. I probably asked Brett at least a dozen times, including in the waiting room, if he was certain it was okay to go through with the implant. He said yes and I got it.

Looking Back on Infertility and Loss

As it stands today, we really haven’t been happier. We are able to pay off debt and buy fun things… with cash! Brett and I communicate more and our marriage is better than ever. Our life as a whole has dramatically improved.

I don’t regret trying infertility treatments. At that time in our lives, it was what we wanted.  I am now able to look at infertility as a blessing in disguise. I’ve joined an infertility support group online and have some of the best internet friends there are. I have also learned that I am just not cut out to be a mom (sometimes my patience runs thin, I like my car to be spotless, I love my cats) – and that’s okay. It’s all been worth it – the heartache, the anger, the sadness, the frustration – all of it. Our marriage is stronger and better for it.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Emily! If you’d like to leave some kind words for Emily and Brett, comment below!

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    • Kate
    • June 19, 2017

    Thank you for sharing your story, Emily! You have such a healthy way of thinking about what happened over the years, and it was neat to read how much stronger you and your husband are because of it. Like you said, it was a blessing in disguise and instead of living life in sadness, you are living it to its fullest! I wish you two all the best! (and your fur baby too!)

      • Emily
      • August 11, 2017

      Thank you Kate!! 🙂

    • Beth
    • August 1, 2017

    OMG thank you for sharing. My story is very similar, and I think I am realizing I should be child free.

    1. I’m so happy you enjoyed Emily’s story and welcome to the rinky-DINK life! What an exciting realization! If you need any support, feel free to get in touch 🙂

      • Emily
      • August 11, 2017

      Beth, you are so welcome 🙂 Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk.
      My IG is: mrsemmypants

    • Stephanie D
    • August 28, 2017

    I love this! This is so close to where my husband and I are. A little bit of a difference in the details but we have come to terms with not being parents. I can’t believe I was able to just type that! Six months ago I couldn’t have done that. It’s so nice to see there are other people “like me” out there! Thanks for sharing!

    • erin
    • December 13, 2017

    Your story is so inspiring Emily. My husband and I are in the same boat. There is just too much uncertainty with the infertility journey and we are definitely exploring the rinky-DINK life. I hear couples are pretty darn happy 🙂

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed this post by Emily, Erin! And I think you’ll really enjoy living the DINK life 🙂

    • Rachel
    • June 1, 2018

    Thank you so much for sharing Emily! My husband and I have experienced three losses, the last one at 14 weeks, which was utterly heartbreaking. We are kind of split 50/50 right now between adoption or DINK life, but with the insane costs of private adoption these days and our age, I’m kind of leaning towards dink! Oh and Brittany, our current baby is a 7 year old boston terrier. We are obsessed and love him so much!!

    1. Hi Rachel, thank you for sharing part of your story! I’m sorry for your losses. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. I’m glad you enjoyed this post by Emily! Although I’m now childfree by choice, my husband and I considered adoption before we decided not to have children. The costs are SO high. Whatever decision you make, you’ve got support 🙂 Love hearing you have bostons! They’re such great (and highly entertaining) dogs.

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