When Having It All Means Not Having Kids — Guest Post by The Childfree Wife

When Having It All Means Not Having Kids Guest Post by The Childfree Wife

When Having It All Means Not Having Kids

by: The Childfree Wife

In a time when being insta-famous is a legitimate career choice and being a feminist means being Superwoman, I can hand-on-my-heart say, “I am childfree by choice and I don’t have it all…by choice!”

Yep, I do have tons of spare time, few responsibilities, and a career. Though, my ambition for said career is decreasing by the week.

My Career Isn’t My Everything

I spent four years studying for a career in communications and it has taken me even longer to work out what is really important to me. Don’t get me wrong — I am not the type of person to be happy doing any old job and I do have spurts of being competitive but my desire for progression in my career has seriously waned. With progression comes more responsibility and with more responsibility comes less spare time. Well, I hear you asking, ‘How much spare time does someone without kids need?’ But I ask you in return, how much money do you think someone without kids really needs?

For me, I have to consider why I would choose not to have children just to spend my life at work earning money that I don’t have time to spend. The world does not need any more successful people, in my opinion. The problem is we all love money (including me). It pays for all the cool things I get to do, which is why I need a good job. And having a good job is brilliant — I’m not denying that. I worked really hard to get where I am and I appreciate it massively. But, at the same time, I appreciate a lot of other things.

My Purpose and Priorities

I appreciate my health and my family. I appreciate nature and the universe and even the trees that give us oxygen. So, although I know how lucky I am to have a “career,” I also know that if I had six months left to live, I wouldn’t be spending them at work.

None of us know how much time we have here and the only certainty in life is death. That being said, why would I want to spend my precious time on earth carving out a legacy that pulls me away from living?

Just because I don’t have children to ‘validate’ my life, that doesn’t mean I must choose something else valuable to do with my time. I don’t need anything fantastic or time-consuming to justify my life choices.

I’m childfree not because I prioritized a career or other passion but because I don’t have a maternal instinct and I have zero reproductive urges. I am quite satisfied with sleeping in on the weekends and binge-watching Netflix in my underwear. And that is OK. It’s OK to be average — regardless of what social media tells you.

Still, people seem to always ask, “Do you have kids?”,“What do you do for a living?”, or “Where do you live?” They don’t ask, “What do you do in your spare time?” And they never ask about my religious or spiritual beliefs, what causes I support, or if I believe in fairies (which, by the way, I do).They only want to know my position in life, not purpose.

The Joy of Being Content

The fact is, I don’t know what I am going to do next in my career (Susan!) or if I’m going to go for that coveted promotion. I’m pretty happy coasting to be honest and I enjoy working at a job I know I can do fairly well instead of trying to do something harder for more money just to have more holidays and more commendation from my colleagues.So, what is so wrong with just being content?

I was raised with the knowledge that I could achieve anything I set my mind to but what happens if I have already achieved— or even surpassed—that? It seems like there is an expectation to constantly want more but if gratitude is an attitude and happiness is a decision, then constantly striving for more just means you’re never truly living in the present and enjoying what is right in front of your eyes. I believe there is a lot to be said for just being content.

In addition, I feel there is also a misconception that the opposite of ambitious is lazy, or that being ambitious simply relates to your working life. I may no longer be ambitious in my career, but I am hardworking and have various projects going on in my personal life, by choice. I also have ambitions in my spiritual development and mental well-being.

Reaching these goals cannot be demonstrated through material possession. Understanding myself and the world around me will not get me a nice car, learning from those in the childfree by choice community and educating others will not get me a bigger house. But, those that know me will notice the rewards because I gain something so much more valuable than money: Enlightenment, clarity, balance, and self-actualization to name a few. Now that is something truly valuable to spend my time on, but I don’t have to if I don’t want to, and that’s perfectly OK too.

Thanks for reading this guest post by The Childfree Wife. Want more? Click here to read another post by The Childfree Wife.

If you enjoyed this article, please leave some kind comments below!

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Comments

    • Dorrie
    • October 4, 2017
    Reply

    This is so me. I value time over money and I also chose not to have kids mostly because I just don’t want them and never felt that mothering instinct. I’m not chasing a six-figure income. I don’t care about leaving a legacy of any sort. I just want to enjoy this one life I’ve been given.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Dorrie! I’m right there with you — I definitely value my time over money.

    • alexis
    • October 5, 2017
    Reply

    I think the biggest thing you highlighted is that society’s idea of success is only measures in monetary value, but there are so many other measures of success. we can still be striving for “achievements” but they are marked by other senses of accomplishment for me. Having more time to take in life and slow down is an accomplishment!! Too many people spending their whole time rushing around only to miss what is right in front of them.

    1. Alexis, thanks for commenting! You’re absolutely correct. Achievements come in all different forms and don’t have to be associated solely with career advancement. Great thoughts!

  1. I love this post!! “I am quite satisfied with sleeping in on the weekends and binge-watching Netflix in my underwear. ” – since when did anyone with kids do that?? I love the idea of expanding the meaning of having it all to not having kids, too. Society seems to have this very rigid concept that being a successful person = career + house + kids. For me ticking all those boxes would be just that and wouldn’t bring me any real happiness. I love the freedom of it being just the two of us and enjoying all of life’s little moments instead of always lusting after more money and more stuff just to keep up with the Joneses.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Lisa! You’re exactly right. DINK (dual income, no kids) couples are expected to be completely career-minded and materialistic. Not so in our household! Great points.

    • Louise Olsen
    • October 19, 2017
    Reply

    This is such a great forum and interesting reading. Thank you.
    I live in Denmark, with my boyfriend who I have been with for 6 years. Im 35. he is 41.
    We love all the free time that we have when we are not at work. We enjoy spending time with each other and our furbaby, Charlie (dog).
    We only recently became fully aware of the fact that the dinklife was a choice that we have actively made. Which, to be honest, was a big relief.
    We spend a lot of time at work during weekdays (and have a doggy nanny for Charlie) and really enjoy the options we have to travel, sleep in during weeekends, not having to stress over economical matters because everything is stretched to the max due to having for example two small children.
    The choice basically comes from: am I happy? yes. Do I really want a child? No. Do I like children? yes. Should I have children when it is not my greatest wish? No, dont believe so.

    • Louise Olsen
    • October 19, 2017
    Reply

    This is such a great forum and interesting reading. Thank you.
    I live in Denmark, with my boyfriend who I have been with for 6 years. Im 35. he is 41.
    We love all the free time that we have when we are not at work. We enjoy spending time with each other and our furbaby, Charlie (dog).
    We only recently became fully aware of the fact that the dinklife was a choice that we have actively made. Which, to be honest, was a big relief.
    We spend a lot of time at work during weekdays (and have a doggy nanny for Charlie) and really enjoy the options we have to travel, sleep in during weeekends, not having to stress over economical matters because everything is stretched to the max due to having for example two small children.
    The choice basically comes from: am I happy? yes. Do I really want a child? No. Do I like children? yes. Should I have children when it is not my greatest wish? No, dont believe so.
    Keep up the good work – love to follow 🙂

    1. Thank you, Louise! Love your furbaby’s name. I had a similar sense of relief when I realized I could be childfree. Thanks again for your comment!

  2. Reply

    What a great post. I struggled for ages thinking that if I didn’t have kids, I would have to compensate with an amazing career. Now my main ambition in life is simply to find a job that I actually like, with enough money to live on and save a bit, plenty of spare time, no stress, and with colleagues I actually like. Even that is quite hard to find, but it’s just a huge relief to not be chasing promotions, big money or impressive creative success any more – I just don’t care, now. I want to be content and that’s it. Thanks for this.

    1. Thank you for your comment! It is odd, isn’t it, how society expects us to “fill the void” with 60-hour workweeks, fancy cars, and luxurious vacations? Why can’t we just be? Thanks again!

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