When Having It All Means Not Having Kids
by: The Childfree Wife
In a time when being insta-famous is a legitimate career choice and being a feminist means being Superwoman, I can hand-on-my-heart say, “I am childfree by choice and I don’t have it all…by choice!”
Yep, I do have tons of spare time, few responsibilities, and a career. Though, my ambition for said career is decreasing by the week.
My Career Isn’t My Everything
I spent four years studying for a career in communications and it has taken me even longer to work out what is really important to me. Don’t get me wrong — I am not the type of person to be happy doing any old job and I do have spurts of being competitive but my desire for progression in my career has seriously waned. With progression comes more responsibility and with more responsibility comes less spare time. Well, I hear you asking, ‘How much spare time does someone without kids need?’ But I ask you in return, how much money do you think someone without kids really needs?
For me, I have to consider why I would choose not to have children just to spend my life at work earning money that I don’t have time to spend. The world does not need any more successful people, in my opinion. The problem is we all love money (including me). It pays for all the cool things I get to do, which is why I need a good job. And having a good job is brilliant — I’m not denying that. I worked really hard to get where I am and I appreciate it massively. But, at the same time, I appreciate a lot of other things.
My Purpose and Priorities
I appreciate my health and my family. I appreciate nature and the universe and even the trees that give us oxygen. So, although I know how lucky I am to have a “career,” I also know that if I had six months left to live, I wouldn’t be spending them at work.
None of us know how much time we have here and the only certainty in life is death. That being said, why would I want to spend my precious time on earth carving out a legacy that pulls me away from living?
Just because I don’t have children to ‘validate’ my life, that doesn’t mean I must choose something else valuable to do with my time. I don’t need anything fantastic or time-consuming to justify my life choices.
I’m childfree not because I prioritized a career or other passion but because I don’t have a maternal instinct and I have zero reproductive urges. I am quite satisfied with sleeping in on the weekends and binge-watching Netflix in my underwear. And that is OK. It’s OK to be average — regardless of what social media tells you.
Still, people seem to always ask, “Do you have kids?”,“What do you do for a living?”, or “Where do you live?” They don’t ask, “What do you do in your spare time?” And they never ask about my religious or spiritual beliefs, what causes I support, or if I believe in fairies (which, by the way, I do).They only want to know my position in life, not purpose.
The Joy of Being Content
The fact is, I don’t know what I am going to do next in my career (Susan!) or if I’m going to go for that coveted promotion. I’m pretty happy coasting to be honest and I enjoy working at a job I know I can do fairly well instead of trying to do something harder for more money just to have more holidays and more commendation from my colleagues.So, what is so wrong with just being content?
I was raised with the knowledge that I could achieve anything I set my mind to but what happens if I have already achieved— or even surpassed—that? It seems like there is an expectation to constantly want more but if gratitude is an attitude and happiness is a decision, then constantly striving for more just means you’re never truly living in the present and enjoying what is right in front of your eyes. I believe there is a lot to be said for just being content.
In addition, I feel there is also a misconception that the opposite of ambitious is lazy, or that being ambitious simply relates to your working life. I may no longer be ambitious in my career, but I am hardworking and have various projects going on in my personal life, by choice. I also have ambitions in my spiritual development and mental well-being.
Reaching these goals cannot be demonstrated through material possession. Understanding myself and the world around me will not get me a nice car, learning from those in the childfree by choice community and educating others will not get me a bigger house. But, those that know me will notice the rewards because I gain something so much more valuable than money: Enlightenment, clarity, balance, and self-actualization to name a few. Now that is something truly valuable to spend my time on, but I don’t have to if I don’t want to, and that’s perfectly OK too.
If you enjoyed this article, please leave some kind comments below!
<a href=”https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/18863831/?claim=jm3uv5ggv5b”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>